more stories: At this point, the routine is familiar. -
A startup or tech company produces a flyer, presentation, or recruiting piece reeking of explicit or implicit sexism; somebody notices and calls them on it; the initial offender digs deeper into sexist/derailing defensiveness, which triggers much wider notice. Finally, someone they care about — a sponsor, funder, or critical Twitter mass — joins in, the initial offender makes a sharp turn toward apology mode (sincerity may vary), and the internet delivers a verdict on whether they deserve forgiveness (results may vary).
We’ve seen this little pattern a lot lately, as young men grasp for credibility and cache in a woefully male-dominated niche. It’s hardly surprising that they often turn to casual sexism (or, as I propose we call it, male-pattern bonding).
There are two problems here, and I think it’s worth teasing them apart, because they need different solutions.
First, the tech industry has a culture problem.
This sexist or objectifying shit happens because someone thinks it’s going to fly — and it does, sometimes. Whether it happens in public or in private, it all contributes to driving women out of tech or deterring them from the field altogether. Also, normalizing the objectification of women creates a problematic expectation that when women are around, they’re window dressing instead of experts.
For the culture problem, the shaming routine is a pretty good solution. Last week’s Mother Jones article was actually heartening, because it sounds like sexism is starting to be a liability. It’s embarrassing, and can damage relationships, sponsorships, and trust.
After reading the Mother Jones piece, I deleted the Path app. Each user’s relationship with a new social product hangs by a thread of social connections and trust. I was on the fence about Path — only two of my actual friends use it — and when I have a choice, I’d rather not trust carelessly sexist people (or the companies that hire them) with my data, attention, or time.
Making sexism (either explicit or casual) a business liability is progress. As startups and their orbits realize sexism can be damaging, we’ll start seeing a little more restraint. The gratuitously sexy slides will land on the cutting-room floor long before presenters go on stage, and self-censorship will nix the rape jokes before they make it to anyone else’s ears.
*****
Second, we have a person problem.
The culture problem is only part of it, and restraint isn’t a long-term solution. A fully equitable, mutually respectful world isn’t built on restraint — it’s built on respect and understanding. Making people stop saying sexist shit is only the first step. The goal is that they stop being sexist.
Actual humans write those hackathon flyers. The rape-culture-y jokes come from the mouths of actual humans. Several actual humans review those big presentations before they make it to the projector screen. The derailing attacks and defensive tweets are typed by fingers belonging to actual humans in front of keyboards. Each time I see this happen, I feel angry, but I also feel very sorry for those humans.
Those humans are tired. They are probably very stressed. They likely feel like impostors, and some may be making negative incomes while they try to prove themselves as leaders and builders of stuff. They, like all of us, want to be good people.
I’m not validating the “but I’m a good person” defense. If anything, sexism seems like a solid indicator that — while you may be a good person, whatever that means — you are not very good at being a person.
Some of them have families who are supporting them while they try to make it. Many of them are watching their friends achieve almost unbelievable monetary success and wondering if they’ve already missed the boat. They’ve all been told it’s about selling yourself and selling your team by convincing everyone, and especially investors, that you have what it takes.
But mostly I’m sorry for them because it’s genuinely shitty to be told you’re sexist or insensitive — but it’s even shittier to actually be sexist, because it means you’re missing out on a tremendous wealth of shared humanity.
For humans, shaming is terrible. Nobody responds well to shame. Even when the cycle of recrimination forces perfunctory groveling or a performed reformation, the deeper emotional response is likely to be defensive.
I worry about them. After the groveling, after the verdicts on perceived sincerity, after the event is cancelled or some money is donated: do they actually think differently about women in their industry? Or do they carry on making the same jokes and comments whenever they think there are no women present?
*****
The shaming-and-groveling routine is doing its work culturally, but it’s not sustainable. To make it stick, we need more people on our side; we need to let them in, instead of locking them out. How can we make the people better instead of just making them better at hiding their asshattery?
We’ve all said dumb, offensive shit. This is what friends are for: they help you be a better, kinder human. They let you know when you’ve said something ignorant or idiotic. They point out that “gypped”, “retarded”, and “gay” are dumbass, hurtful things to say, and they keep pointing it out until you break the habit.
Maybe the most powerful small things are how you interact with the people you know:
- Don’t laugh uncomfortably at misogynist jokes, no matter how awkward the silence.
- Talk with friends about judgment calls influenced by sexism (“Ugh, he tweets misogynist comments — let’s not hire him;” “I’m going to skip that app, their ad was super skeezy”).
- Keep walking out of talks with offensive content.
For startups, designers, recruiters, and writers, it’s time to start assuming there are women in your audience. Include female user personas. Assume (or pretend) that at least one of the VCs you’re pitching to is a woman. Double-check “culture fit” assessments when you interview potential developers who are women.
Maybe this will make it a little easier for women to stay in tech. Maybe eventually the answers to a question like this one won’t be so discouraging.
In the long run, the main thing that makes us better at being human is simply this: getting to know other humans — and learning to respect them enough that it’s not even a little bit tempting to say shit that will hurt them.
Sneaking Into Pantone HQ: How color forecasters really decide which hue will be the new black.
One of my favorites, Tom Vanderbilt, on Slate:
So the new black is … black? Leatrice Eiseman, a color consultant and the sole American at the meeting, (the sole “pragmatic American,” as she describes herself), speaks for the first time. “What I fear about making a general sweeping statement about black is that we know we’ve been there—who doesn’t know about black? What’s new about it?” Animated conversation ensues.
Twice a year, in some European capital, in a room purposely chosen to be drab and sparse—so as not to influence the color mood—Shah gathers a stable of colorists, each of whom works with his or her own country’s national color groups (who traditionally have worked with textile companies and others to set color standards), as well as consulting with companies ranging from Airbus to Zara to Union Carbide. Where the rest of us see black, these are people who talk about the “family of black.” Over two days, they will each pitch a palette concept, organized roughly around a theme that has been chosen in advance (this time, it’s “unity”), that they believe will be dominant in Spring/Summer 2013. The results are published in Pantone View, a $750 publication that is purchased by companies across a broad consumer landscape, from fashion designers to supermarket chains to the floral industry. (“Everybody’s into white flowers at the moment,” Shah tells me, “there are definitely movements, even in flowers.”)
Reblogging myself because the piece is just funny.
What Happens When A 35-Year-Old Man Retakes The SAT? -
The verbal sections were a little bit better. Much to my relief, there were no analogies anywhere on the test. All of the verbal questions involved choosing the right word for a sentence (piece of cake) and reading comprehension (GUHHHHHH). One of the former sections included this question about hip hop, which I assume the testmakers added so that no one would accuse them of being RAYCESS:
Stupid SAT. Hip hop is the genre. Rapping is the vocal style performed WITHIN that genre. This is the whitest question ever.
Let’s just say it: The Republicans are the problem. - The Washington Post -
Op-ed. An interesting move and huge comment response all the same.
“Since coming to California to work on “Star Trek,” Mr. Cumberbatch said, there had been “a huge blogging response to me selling out to Hollywood and dating a model and become a walking cliché. That was nice.” He also discovered a Web site that juxtaposes his facial expressions from “Sherlock” with images of otters in similar poses. He said it was “brilliant” and “fantastic.” —
Benedict Cumberbatch Moves From Role to Role - NYT
I’ll be honest, his reaction to the otters Tumblr was what I primarily was curious about.
Cease-Fire in Syria Buying Time at a Cost - NYT
The West, Turkey and the Arabs want time to shape the opposition, divided by bickering and lacking a solid constituency within Syria, into a credible alternative government. They also hope to convince Russia, Syria’s main ally, that the government is to blame for the violence.
The Russians, dragging China in their shadow, want time for the plan to work. Their revived prestige as a superpower rests partly on its success. Both Russia and Iran also want to preserve enough of the current government to maintain their strategic relations, analysts said, which could mean their pushing President Bashar al-Assad toward political compromise.
The Assad government evidently wants more time to try to crush the opposition before being forced into the political negotiations that are part of the agreement brokered by Kofi Annan, the United Nations and Arab League special envoy.
“What is obvious and indisputable is that the Kofi Annan plan has failed,” Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona, said Thursday at a hearing of the Senate Armed Services Committee. “Assad has not abided and will not abide by a cease-fire.”
Cheri Young Testifies in John Edwards Trial - NYTimes.com
I just like this picture (Sara D. Davis/Associated Press) and expression.
I just put the text up of the interview I did with Stephen King in the Sunday Times Magazine on my blog at neilgaiman.com. It’s a much longer interview than the one in the magazine, and if you are interested in working writers, you might enjoy it….
“If you claim that you are not a racist person (or, at least, that you’re committed to working your ass off not to be one—which is really the best that any of us can promise), then you must believe that people are fundamentally born equal. So if that’s true, then in a vacuum, factors like skin color should have no effect on anyone’s success. Right? And therefore, if you really believe that all people are created equal, then when you see that drastic racial inequalities exist in the real world, the only thing that you could possibly conclude is that some external force is holding certain people back. Like…racism. Right? So congratulations! You believe in racism! Unless you don’t actually think that people are born equal. And if you don’t believe that people are born equal, then you’re a fucking racist.” —
I don’t know why it took me a whole day to read this, but yeah it was predictably brilliant and fabulously Lindy. This is such a great summary of the problem with “not believing” in structural inequality.
(via ampersandean)
I had the good fortune to read this on the train home, surrounded by a young multicultural hoard heading out for a Friday evening. It was fascinating to listen in on conversations for the rest of the commute.
AuRevoir.Me: Say goodbye the easy way -
Genius.
German brewer Paulaner will open its first beer hall in the U.S. later this year, and it will be located on The Bowery. The brewery already runs 17 Paulaner Brauhaus locations in other countries, but this will be the first in the Western Hemisphere. The 4,000 square foot beer hall will include German cuisine, communal seating, an outdoor space, and a working brewpub - which would be the third to open in Manhattan in two years. The space will be appointed with stained glass, iron fixtures, and copper kettles, to evoke a more historical German beer hall. The hall will be located at 265-276 Bowery, just south of Houston Street.
It’s no Stiegl or Augustiner but I’ll take it.
[video]
Google event posters by @hellbox’s pal Stubborn Sideburn / Junichi Tsuneoka.
All hail the gmail overload.
