Autumn Whitefield-Madrano: The Mirror-Slave Dialectic
You, like me, probably have a mirror face. It’s close to my “photo face,” but it’s a separate beast.
The New Inquiry || June 10, 2011
Pullquote added by me
I also began to understand what else I see in the mirror besides my reflection. In looking at a handsome young man, the shapely form of a yoga model, and the calorie count on the graham crackers I was about to eat, I had phantom “flinches” of reprimanding myself for having looked in a mirror when I hadn’t. It was instructive in terms of where common “love your looks” wisdom falls short. Liking your appearance may be a fine goal, but if we believe the mirror is our companion in an autarchic route to self-worth, we are mistaken.
But I also missed the private joy of observing myself in a certain light. I missed the pleasure of giving myself a final once-over before leaving the house, smiling—yes, with my mirror face—and confirming all is well. I took less pleasure than usual in wearing certain outfits, because I couldn’t observe myself partaking in the ritual of playing dress up. Liberating myself from performing was a big relief at times. Still, my usual sense of play was muted: I missed witnessing myself slip into a persona.
